Fat and Not Afraid

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The Militant Baker

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Ask and Receive

October 27, 2017

There is a culture out there, a mindset, that whatever you put out into the Universe, the Universe will send you. If that were true, I'd have a million dollars, a giant property with plenty of gardens, a career I love, and world peace. But that being said, learning to ask for what you need in your life is essential. This took me a long time to learn. 

A week after my last post I was fired from the new job I'd started. Two weeks after that I was hired on at a place in the mall selling jewelry. So that's what I do now; back to shift work with retail instead of steady days and weekends off with administrative things. I took a leap off of my pillar into the swamp and here I am, swimming with crocodiles again. It's Samhain season, the last harvest and the trees are weeping leaves over the dying God and frozen rain saturates the empty fields. The angle of the sun brings dark mornings and dark evenings and it's dark everywhere, everywhere but inside me. 

Though I leapt into the swamp and I swim with ancient dread, I AM swimming. Not drowning, not being eaten, not treading water. Two things are helping keep me focused and moving forward; the first is asking Ryan and the kids for help and being gentle and understanding of myself when I *need* help. When I was working in the office I discovered quickly that, when the kids were home, I hated it. I would work 8-5, including bus times, come home, do the dinner and dishes and bedtime and bath time and all of that, every day. On weekends I was still doing it all, even making lunch for everyone, and me last. It was always me last. Even sex became a chore. The kids were gone most of the summer to the Soo so when they came back, ontop of the stress of a new job (and possibly moving!), there was a lot happening. 

I had a day somewhere in there that I just mentally couldn't do anything at all; I snapped at everyone for everything. I couldn't stand being around the kids; no play time, no lunch time, not anything. Ryan leapt onto my last nerve and broke it with a comment about, of all the damn things, laundry. We've been having an ongoing argument about laundry for 13 years at this point and I was Not. Having. It. I wasn't having anything. At one point I knocked over Kat and I's Jenga tower, said "I'm not playing anymore" and went outside to dig in the gardens because I just couldn't be near them anymore. Looking back now I'm ashamed at my behaviour. 

Finally I said "I'm having a bad day and everyone needs to leave me alone. It's not you, it's me." And they did. I didn't have to cook dinner by myself. I didn't have to tidy up the livingroom alone. Bath time and bed time went smoothly.

Why did it take me 11 years to figure out that I don't have to do everything by myself? That if I just ASK for help, if I admit I'm having a bad day, or week, I don't have to plow through, keep calm and carry on? That kind of thinking nearly killed me when Gabe was an infant. It isolates me from my family today. Enough is enough. 

Ryan cooks more and tidies more and enlists the kids to help, which they do with varying degrees of enthusiasm. It's wonderful to come home a couple of times a week to a home cooked meal and not take-out, or have to scramble around an hour before bed time and try and make something myself. I have to practise what I preach as a feminist so if I want an equally shared home, I need to make one through asking for it. When your family is just used to you doing everything, they stop seeing what needs to be done because hey, it's already done. To them, there isn't anything to do. That stopped this summer and I haven't looked back. 

The second thing I have keeping me swimming amongst the crocs here in the swamp is having a goal; despite my MOUNTAINS of student debt I've decided to go back to school for the 4 year midwifery course. I have 0 funding at this point but I do have a sort-of plan that doesn't involve robbing a bank or winning the lottery. More as that develops. If you want to help with that goal, or just my life in general (being off for 2 weeks and having to wait 2 weeks more for my 1st paycheque really put a dent in our budget), there's a paypal button under the pic of me on the page. You never know; some kind, random stranger may read this and decide to help me out in a big way! If I don't ask, I'll never know how often I could hear 'yes'.

Falling into Autumn

September 9, 2017

Some people revel in the change of the angle in the Sun.

I am not one.

The slanted, golden rays only remind me of hard times.

Whenver the bottom drops out, the shoe drops, it's fall.

Fall is full of falling apart, falling by the way side, falling ill.

Autumn sounds like a funeral drum for a hanging. au-TUM.

A relentless beat of time reminding me another year is gone.

These are my Summer years but I spend a third of them in the dark.

Shut the windows. Bar the doors. The reaper is coming.

Epic 10th Anniversary Road Trip Post

July 14, 2017

Hi Everyone! Ryan and I finally got to go on our honeymoon at the end of last month; from June 22nd to the 28th we were on the road from Sudbury to Prince Edward Island and back. We had a wonderful trip with miles upon miles of beautiful scenery, nice folks, gorgeous beaches and even a whale!

A happy caucasian couple with brown hair smiles for the cameraOur first day we were on the road a long time, from Sudbury to Prescott ON to Quebec City We were a little late leaving because of poor planning on our part but once we got underway we had a great time. North Bay flew by, we took a pic of the Tim Hortons just about everywhere we stopped, and then we had dinner with Ryan's cousin's family and had our first look at the St. Lawrence River. It's very wide. We drove on after dinner through Montreal where, even at 9pm, the traffic was  heavy and everyone was speeding like whoa. We made it to Quebec City by about 1130pm and finally got to sleep at the Hotel Bonaparte. It was about a 12 hour day. The hotel room was nice, clean and quiet and the front desk clerk said he spoke 5 languages.

The next morning we had breakfast at the little restaurant attached to the hotel then hopped back across the St. Lawrence into Levis to drop our stuff at the Quality Inn, then drove down to the ferry terminal to walk over to old Quebec City. If you ever get the chance to visit please do! It was beautiful and incredibly well preserved. We walked all over the place for about 5 hours in the drizzle and didn't even care that it was raining. We saw the gates that protected the old city, nearly 400 year old shops and houses, the Citadel and even the Plains of Abraham.

This is the heart of Old Quebec City and it feels like you're walking abound Europe. Highly recommend! We had dinner at a quiet little bistro by a park where it just so happened a man was playing the harp. It was exactly what I wanted for our 10th anniversary dinner and I was just about in tears from joy. I had the duck, Ryan had a rabbit pastry pie and both were just to die for. Our server was attentive and warm and I made sure to leave a good review on Trip Advisor for Le Lapin Saute.

The St. Jean de Baptiste Festival started to get rolling by about 8:30 and our cameras and phones were dead so we decided it was time to go back across to Levis and get some sleep. The Quality Inn in Levis does *not* have a jacuzzi or hot tub like I thought, sadly.

The next day we drove from Levis QC to St Andrews in New Bruswick. It was a long drive day again and we kept losing time but we made it all the way there just in time for our whale watching tour. Scratch another thing off my bucket list! We saw a minke whale and we were the only people that day to see one at all. There were a few seals lounging about on the rocks in Paddy (Passamaquoddy) Bay but once we got out on the big water in the Bay of Fundy it got a lot colder and that's where we found our whale.

The sunset made him a bit hard to see but I didn't mind at all. It added to the atmosphere. We were able to get pretty close and keep tracking at a distance thanks to the type of boat we were on, a Zodiac. Highly recommend the Fundy Tide Runners if you're out that way and looking for a fun trip! Not expensive either. After we got back to port we went in search of some food and then our bed and breakfast in Chamcook.

We received a bit of a frosty reception for coming in so late and missing the 4pm check-in (we were still on the road from Quebec at the time and were late for our whale watching trip) and were informed that, since the owner had to be at church the next morning for 11 and would be leaving at 10:30am sharp, breakfast would be served at 830am so please be downstairs. It was definitely an unusual experience staying at a BnB instead of at a hotel and it's really turned us off BnBs to be honest.

The next morning after a broken sleep in an antique bed and delicious pancakes at 9am, we hit the road and followed the coastal route from St. Andrews. Along the way we stopped at a waterfall where Ryan had a swim, the Cape Enrage Lighthouse, like eight thousand beaches and salt marches, and finally the famous Flower Pot Rocks at Hopewell. They're truly an amazing and unique area of the world; most of the East coast is made of sedimentary stone like sandstone, so everything is built of layers and layers of old mud that's been dried and petrified into rock. It wears away thanks to the high tidal action and leaves amazing sculptures all over the place.

The Hopewell Rocks were definitely a highlight of the trip! We got to the site at low tide so we got to roam around a lot of the area even though the park was officially closed. Turns out the staff don't care if you're on site after hours or in the dark as long as your car isn't in the parking lot and you obey the safety signs. One of the larger, more famous of the rock formations collapsed earlier this year so there are lots of areas roped off  where you shouldn't go. If you visit please obey the signs!

I don't know why jigsy isn't letting me load vertical photos vertically....

We spent the rest of the evening poking around the beach and taking pics then driving over the enormous Confederation Bridge to PEI and our resting spot in Cavendish, the Shining Waters Inn. As promised, since we were so late (it was nearly midnight) our key was in an envelope stuck to the front door. No kidding. It's such a small community, and the RCMP station is across the road, that they felt comfortable leaving the key to the inn AND our room stuck to the front door inside the screen so we could get in. Amazing.

The next day after a bit of rain and a lovely breakfast at Rachel's we went to see the crown jewel (for me) of the trip; The Anne of Green Gables house. It was everything I could've wished for and more. I was so overcome with emotion I basically cried my whole way through the house. I took a few pictures but Ryan took more for me and at one point, upstairs in Anne's room, he just held me as I sobbed on him. It's hard for me to express what Anne means to me, especially to people who've never read Lucy Maud Montgomery's classic work. She was an orphan, a chatty little girl who was smart and funny and imaginative and she loved the world she lived in. Anne got straight As in school and became a teacher but in her heart she never let go of the irrepressible little girl who moved to Avonlea as an unwanted waif. As a teacher she cared deeply for her students and as a mother she taught me a lot about grace. Anne of Green Gables was the first series I read start-to-finish as a young person and it shaped me immensely. Being in the house Lucy called home and where she based the Cuthbert farm, with it's little bedroom upstairs that looked out on the Snow Queen and the Haunted Wood, Lover's Lane and all the rolling, beautiful land of PEI was a dream come true.

We spent the afternoon, after I recovered, driving south to the Point Prim Lighthouse, the oldest light on the Island, and investigating little beaches and spots along the way. Dinner was a proper Celtic themed pub in Charlottetown and then off to the Cavendish Beach for sunset and again, not disappointed. PEI is known for it's sunsets and boy was ours a treat. When we arrived I became very excited as I'd forgotten that Cavendish was the host of one of the best spots to see PEI's famous red sandstone cliffs! Are they ever red!

All red with sand dunes up behind us where we were lucky enough to spot a fox. Ryan wasn't quick enough to get a photo unfortunately. Then the sun set and it was a perfect ending to a nearly perfect day.

The next day we started for home, stopping in at Shediac Beach for an attempt at a swim but we were thwarted by little red jellyfish in the water. We stayed the night much, much later at a little motel on the side of the highway somewhere in Quebec called the Silver Maple, slept and got back on the road the next day. After a visit in Kingston to see some old, dear friends, we went home to the kids. Our honeymoon, though ten years late, was wonderful and we can't wait to get back to the East coast next summer.

Solstice Cycle

June 21, 2017

Long stems lie in the grass as dead soldiers in battle. Tiny moths flutter gamely away from my roaring machine of whirling death while toads scramble madly in too tall grass.

Too tall for whom? And why?

The clover huddles low, sweet clumps of flowers shorn away and when the bees come they will go hungry. Smiling daisies are slaughtered before they can bring their light to the world and unacceptable weeds are ripped from the earth.

Bright paintbrushes that dot the forest floor are safe from me behind a wall of slender birches but the closer I get the more I am warned away by slender sisters with probing mouths. They will take my blood as I take theirs.

It is right, if not completely fair for I am far larger than they. Still, I am driven off by their persistence and am secretly grateful. Later, after rain and sun and moon, I will return. And so will they.

Pride Month is HERE

June 9, 2017

Pride week questionnaire, stolen from a friend.

Sexuality: I'm bi; I am attracted to people from both (main?) genders. This doesn't change because I'm married to a man, it just makes things more fun.

Pronouns: She/her.

Gender identity: Cisgender, which means I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth.

Relationship status: Gleefully, ridiculously, happily, married.

Celebrity crush: Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans, Queen Latifah.

Crush: I tend to be affectionate and crush-like towards friends I'm closest too. Noone has complained.

Best Friend: Other than Ryan? That'd be Erin, who's known me since junior kindergarten.

When you came out? Sometime in late highschool. My first serious girl crush was an exchange student from Berlin named Stephanie. We were in the concert band together and I just thought she was such a wonderful person. She wasn't interested in me that way, but we wrote letters back and forth for a few years. Unfortunately have lost touch, even with Facebook.

I'm still not all the way out of the closet with most of my family, as I don't feel like I'd get 100% support. My parents are fairly conservative and while I love my inlaws to death, they are too in some ways. I don't want to hear how I need to pick a team, or have them worrying I'll up and leave my family some day for a hot lady friend.

HI FAMILY IF YOU'RE READING THIS! You probably already guessed it but didn't say anything, but hi! I'm bisexual!

First person you came out to: Myself. It was a long slow realization that liking girls AND boys from an early age was Weird and I Should Not Mention It, so I passed it off as kids being kids and just being curious about Adult Things. Eventually I said to myself: Self, you like girls. They are sparkly and beautiful, amazing people. Also, you like guys. They are warm and solid, amazing people. This is OK.

First gf/bf: Ryan was my first boyfriend, awaaaaaay back in grade 7. He was the shyest, sweetest guy. Still is, though he's not shy, he's an introvert. I still have the little valentine he gave me when he asked me out.

First heart break: My first BIG heartbreak came from an asshole named Mike. I found out through friends that he was cheating on me and he confirmed it the next time we spoke on the phone. I cried so hard and I kinda still despise him to this day.

Ever had a crush on a straight person? Um yes? Lots of times. I even married one!

Fallen for a friend? Yes.

Cool straight friend: Erin is damn cool.

Best LGBTQ+ friend: I've known Will since way back in highschool and we've been good friends a long time.

Person that made you doubt your sexuality: Once I realized what bisexuality is I latched onto the term wholeheartedly. Noone has been able to shake that.

Are you proud of your sexuality?: Yes? That's a weird way of putting it. It's not an accomplishment. It's not like I woke up and said to myself "I'm going to train myself really hard and become bi!" like I did for my running. That was something I'm still proud of. I'm just me. I'm fairly out and open about it, but it's not like it comes up very much. Being married to a man gives me straight passing privilege like whoa and erases my bisexuality. That's not something I'm proud of.

Are you comfortable with your sexuality? Definitely. What's not to like? I get the best of both worlds, 100%.

Describe yourself: Eco-feminist hippie Pagan, smasher of the patriarchy, protector of the innocent and helpless.

LGBTQ+ hero: Queen Latifah.

  Favourite part of being LGBTQ+?: Aaaaall the rainbow things.

Series Review: The Cousins O'Dwyer

May 16, 2017

Lately, instead of my usual heavy fantasy fare, I've been picking up light romances or fantasy romances to read. Jacqueline Carey's Agent of Hel trilogy was fun, and I go back and reread Anne Bishop's Black Jewels books because I like the characters so much. Ephemera is alright too and has a very interesting world concept. Another trilogy I go back to over and over again is Nora Robert's Key series; three women have to find a trio of magical keys to save three young souls from a power hungry god. Along the way they forge friendships, build a business and find true love (of course). My other fave series by her is The Three Sisters trilogy; both series have magic in common, though in Three Sisters the story literally centers around three women who are the reincarnation of three witches who have to fight an ancient evil sorcerer. There are a lot of rhyming phrases and white light references, very New-Age. In the Key books the three women have no magic of their own but their very humanity is their greatest strength as they battle their ancient evil sorcerer-god. Seeing a pattern?

The latest series I picked up is named after the three main characters, the Cousins O'Dwyer. Set in County Mayo, Ireland, I fell in love with the rich descriptions of the rolling green hills, lush forests, babbling rivers and local history. There are enough Irish phrases thrown in to know she did some research on the area, plus actual dialect, to make it feel real; that's important as the more truth to your fiction, the better your fiction! As usual we have a trio of important characters; Branna, Iona and Connor, each who must overcome their own challenges and find love in each book. All three are descended from the original Dark Witch of Mayo and are witches in their own right, and of course they're fighting an evil sorcerer from long ago that battled the first Dark Witch. If not for the setting this would read almost exactly like the Three Sisters trilogy, right down to a snarly fourth witch, a man to boot, who loves the selfless, most powerful and wise witch, Branna.Three Sisters has that exact dynamic too, except his power comes from a Selkie heritage and not the evil sorcerer they're fighting against.

Despite the charm of Ireland I was bored with this series, only finishing it to see if there was some kind of twist or surprise ending; there wasn't. There are long stretches where nothing happens and then the bad guy attacks in some way, and someone gets hurt and it's oh, family! Yes we trust you! We're a circle! Don't be a fecking idjit! And then nothing. happens. Like, an entire year goes through the series and it just doesn't work. In the Key trilogy there is a time-table that has to be met; each woman only has one phase of the moon to try and find her key or else all is lost. That urgency is sorely lacking in Cousins O'Dwyer; if they fail to kill ... Wow. I can't even remember the villain's name, he is so forgettable. I'll just call him McWolf; if they fail to kill him it's the end of all the cursing and such anyway as Branna will have no children to carry on the curse, or eventually the Three will come again and get another chance.

Of course they defeat him, discovering along the way that SPOILERS McWolf made a deal with a demon in order to get his powers, so all they need to do is separate the two and kill each. In order to do that they need a name but until the last damn page, they don't have it. It's unclear who or what gives the name of this dreaded demon to Finbar Burke, our broody love interest to Branna, but I just about pitched my book across the livingroom when he named the creature; Cernunnos.

Are you kidding me, Nora Roberts? In a trilogy set in Ireland, steeped in New-Agey magikal tropes, you throw the name of a revered God out as belonging to an ancient evil demon? It's like she went to Wikipedia, picked a Celtic deity based on a cool name, and threw it in last minute. "I gotta wrap this up, so many more mediocre books to write! So little time! Maybe the next trilogy with three magical people, probably ladies, I write I'll set  in Australia! Exotic!" I'll admit I'm biased because I am a Pagan, and it hurts me to see the name of a God thrown carelessly about. Someone who doesn't know anything about Celtic Paganism will either think it's totally made up, or worse, associate it with evil the next time they hear it.

So Cousins O'Dwyer is a pale shadow of The Three Sisters, and doesn't even compare at all to the Key Trilogy in depth of story telling. It's literally a retelling of The Three Sisters set in Ireland instead of somewhere on the North East coast of the United States. It's tame, even in the sexy parts, and I'll be trading it in at the local bookshop as soon as I can get there. It's taking up valuable space on my shelf.

2/5 stars and Ireland itself gets one of those stars just for being so damn pretty.


May 12, 2017

There is a pillar of stone in the middle of a deep, gurgling swamp. On top of the pillar is a small fire, some food, a basket for collecting rain water, and a tent. The food never quite runs out, the fire never fully extinguishes. Rain always comes, eventually. Atop the pillar she watches the seasons pass, charts the stars in their courses, observes the alligators and piranhas down in the muck live their lives, and some nights when the moon is dark she sees a glimmer of something in the far distance. There is something beyond the swamp's borders, something more than a pillar of stone, food, water and shelter. She has tried to reach it many times. 

It always happens the same way; she will feel brave, prepared both mentally and physically. She has a Plan to avoid the alligators and piranhas. This time will be different. This time she will succeed, moving forward bearing the marks of previous journeys; bite marks, scratch scars, and those inside where she wakes at night. In the past she had been rescued by others passing by, people with nice boats who returned her to the pillar, healed her wounds, then left on their own journey. Rescue comes when she can no longer fight off the creatures of the swamp, when she is bleeding from a hundred wounds and is ready to lay down and drown, when the stench of it, the deep sucking mud has pulled the strength right out of her bones. 

The stars pass overhead many times, shifting slowly in their eternal dance with the sun and moon. The food never quite runs out. The rain always comes eventually. The shimmer on the horizon continues to beckon in the night but she sits with her back to it and instead gazes into the fire. Here she is warm and safe.

This is a Story All About How

April 4, 2017

My life got twist, turned upside down. Let me take a minute, just sit right there! And I'll tell you how I came to have over $55,000 in defaulted student loans.

Once upon a time, back in 2003, I graduated highschool with honours. I received a small entrance grant to attend my local university where I began a 4 year BA in English in order to eventually go to teacher's college. This grant, plus money I had saved up myself and a bit from my parents, paid for my first year of school. The following year I moved out of their home, got an apartment with Ryan, and started receiving from the Ontario Student Assistance Program aka OSAP. Part of the loans are federal money, part of it is provincial but generally it's just known as OSAP. I ended up taking a year off mid-program, then another year as Gabe came along where I didn't receive any government funds as I wasn't in school. I graduated with my BA in the spring of 2009, the first person in my family to graduate from university. Yay!

Off I went to teacher's college in Thunder Bay where I crashed and burned hard at the end of my first semester, but that's a story for another day. That one semester added nearly $10,000 to my loans thanks to living away from home, travel costs, tuition and books. I ended up back at the local university doing a certificate program, from which I graduated in 2011. We moved to British Columbia for 2 years, then back to the Soo for 3 and were homeless and broke for 2 of those years, and now we're in Sudbury, always chasing better jobs for something resembling financial security. Following me around has been $55,000 in slowly growing (they're not interest free) student debt.

This past fall the federal Liberal government announced changes to the OSAP program that would allow students wanting to go to post-secondary education a break; more grants instead of loans, and maybe even free tuition if you were low enough income. That's fantastic and much needed for sure. Unfortunately, a part of those changes of who is low income enough or not affected my repayment assistance plan, making me ineligible, after nearly 6 years of paying $0.00 a month (because POOR) for that $0.00 payment. Suddenly I was 9 months behind and owing $1100 and change. How did THAT happen? Here's where it gets really fun:

We moved to Sudbury in April of last year. I applied, as I usually do every 6 months, for my repayment assistance, in May. I knew I was getting close to the end of my available months but wasn't sure *how* close. I sent off my online application and waited for the letter that would say I was approved for my $0.00 monthly payment. It never came. Canada Student Loans, the folks who run OSAP, started calling and let me know they still hadn't received anything so I submitted again online. They didn't get it. Now I'm 2 months behind. So I ask them to mail me a paper application, which I also didn't receive. Three months behind. Finally get the paper copy, fill it all out, mail it in with pay stubs for me and Ryan. Now I'm four months behind and starting to panic a little but Canada Student Loans reassures me that when my repayment is approved it will be back dated 6 months and I can immediately reapply for my final 6 months of assistance at which point, if I'm still poor (which I can practically guarantee them I will be) I'll be able to start Phase 2. Yay! Phase 2 is a little known thing about student loans; if after 5 years (60 months) you're still unable to repay your student loans, the government starts helping you out. You pay whatever you can of the asked amount, and the government kicks in the rest. Eventually your loan is paid off and you can become a functional member of adult society. WIN.

By this time it's mid-September, and one of the pay stubs that Ryan has submitted with my paperwork is his final one from EasyHome. He was no-fault fired and given severance pay. We included a letter explaining that his September pay is NOT a normal one and does not in any way indicate what was his normal income, and oh yeah, HE WAS FIRED and going forward had $0 coming in for gods knew how long. Also, did you know Canada Student Loans only cares about your GROSS income, not your net? And they don't ask about household expenses? They don't care how much daycare is, or your rent or hydro bill, or groceries or anything. They just want a percentage of your gross monthly income each month and apparently think that you can get blood from a stone.

LONG story short, my repayment assistance of $0.00 was not approved. They wanted over $400 a month, back dated to the spring, up front, ASAP, thanks to Ryan's severance pay and the federal changes in November. I don't have that kind of money, and no-one I know does either. If I could get them the money they'd continue working with me and maybe I could start Phase 2 of repayment assistance. My only other option was to appeal, which I did. I sent in a year's worth of pay stubs for each of us, and another letter explaining his firing and our life expenses. In mid-March my appeal was rejected, after which they sent my loans back to the government. Now the Ontario Ministry of Finance wants $11,000 up front before they'll even talk to me about making minimum monthly payments of $1000.00, and the federal folks want $545 a month, starting May 30th. It was supposed to be $900 but I talked them down somewhat. If I couldn't make $400 a month way back when, what on earth makes them think I can do $1500 now? And forget about Phase 2. That's completely gone.

Rent  $   1,500.00
Groceries  $       600.00
Utilities  $       350.00
Internet  $       130.00
Childcare  $       224.00
Phones  $       300.00
OSAP  $       104.00
CIBC  $       100.00
Car  $       418.40
Insurance  $       285.00
Gas  $       120.00
Repayment  $       520.00
Total  $   4,651.40

So right now I'm trying to think of ways to raise $11,000 before the Ontario Ministry of Finance starts garnishing my wages; Stripping? Prostitution? Sell a kidney? I can't become a surrogate because my uterus is broken. Egg donation is legal in Canada but complicated and time consuming with no guarantee of solid financial return (unlike in the States where I could get good money for all these eggs I'm not using.) I suppose I could go to the competition, like MoneyMart, and get a large loan (since the banks wont touch me w my bad credit), use that to pay off some of what I owe, then just pay MoneyMart back at a much higher interest rate for the rest of my life, plus pay the rest of my student debt. Somehow. Ha. Ha.

At this rate I will never have any savings for emergencies, buy a house, send my kids to post-secondary education, save for retirement, or do all of those other Adult Things that help our economy. My university degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on, and going to school is one of the biggest regrets of my life.

Some nice people have suggested I start a crowdfunding thing like Patreon or GoFundMe. It's a thought.


Anyone have $13,000 I can borrow?

March 30, 2017

I just can't even.


LoZ: Breath of the Wild First Impressions

March 4, 2017

Yesterday was Nintendo Switch launch day and with it came the latest installment in the Legend of Zelda series for both the Switch AND the Wii U. I picked up my U copy, had dinner and put it on. Then waited 15 minutes while it updated. I couldn't believe it! Having to wait for an update on Launch Day kinda ruined the flow and excitement of starting a new game. 

Finally it was ready and I got to play through the intro scenes I've seen online: Link waking up in a tank of water, listening to Zelda's voice. I went outside into the HUGE new world and explored. It really is a gorgeous game and the controls are pretty smooth. I picked up various weapons right away, some food items, fought a few bokoblins and even died a couple of times. Falling HURTS. Being cold HURTS. Auto-saving is great.

I have to work later today so I'm turning the game over to Gabe and Ryan and discovered you can only have one save file at a time. What kind of bullshit is this?! I paid around $100 for a game that only one person can play at a time? Every other Zelda game since the SNES has been able to have multiple files. Hell, even Hyrule Warriors has multiple save files. I don't want to share my file with the family; we'll all miss out on exploring on our own and discovering the game, Ryan especially. DISAPPOINTED.

Graphics: 5/5

Story so far: 4/5

Controls: 4/5

Technical difficulties: 1/5


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