Hi again everyone! Sorry for the blackout last week-Ryan was in Victoria and had my laptop so I was unable to update. It's good to be back and thanks to everyone who's been checking in, leaving comments and has entered the bellydance dvd giveaway. Onwards!
It appears this post-pregnancy body still has some surprises in store for me and as always these are steps along the body acceptance journey. They're not steps that are easy for me to take, however, as I hate change (hello, I'm a Taurean) and don't adapt to anything that easily. Case in point-my boobs. Before Kat's birth I was a 42 DDD (dun dun DUN! as my sister said bra shopping with me that day) and wearing bras I'd bought from Addition-Elle. Since her delivery I've been noticing everything getting baggier; underwear, pants, shirts and yes, even my bras. Despite all the cow-impressions I've been doing, and there've been a LOT, my boobs have been getting smaller and smaller (and flabbier and flatter). As you can probably tell, I'm not OK with this.
Last week I was up at the mall dropping some film and I saw a sale on at La Senza. For kicks I went in and got a fitting, seeing as how their bras were on buy one, get one half off, and I knew my old bras didn't fit anymore. Well imagine my shock when she told me I'm a 38 D now. That's a loss of two cups and four inches. It *feels* like a loss. Is it possible to mourn your boobs? I mean, I still have them and I'm thankful for that with the history of breast cancer in my family, but damn. A huge part of my identity is wrapped up in my boobs. I'm more upset at their slow but steady diminishing than I am over having my tubes tied and being unable to have more kids. This is probably in part tied to the visual aspect; nooone knows about my surgery unless I tell them, but everyone who sees the before and after pics of me can see straight away the difference.
I feel less feminine, less womanly. I feel used up and dried out, like a camel who's hump is empty. Floppy. Flaccid. Ugly.
Baby steps will get me through this. What do you recommend?
I don't know if I have any wisdom to offer, but my own weight loss over the last few years has left me in much the same boat: I'm down to a 42H from a 50 DDD (for the uninitiated, the actual breast mass of an H cup at band size 42 is very roughly the same as the breast mass of a 50D, so it's a fairly substantial deflation). I don't like the way they hang anymore. While I enjoy the new lines of my body as a whole, I'd much rather appear with foundation garments than without, these days!
Love you!
I can also relate. I went down from a 36 DDD (or sometimes F) to a 32F to a 30FF and I am not happy with the shape of my breasts anymore, but hey pretty bras. So there's that.
I had a similar problem with my first big weight loss about ten years ago, I eventually adjusted to 'this is the reality of my body, and I wouldn't show my body to someone if I thought he was going to judge or belittle it, so I need to get into that self-loving space I expect EVERYONE who gets to see me naked to occupy."
With my second large weight loss, a few years ago, I actually went up over a cup size and down two band sizes (40DD with tight band/loose cups to 36DDD that fits about right). When I expressed confusion to the woman in the bra store, she said it probably had to do with doing more upper-body strength training this time, filling out my pectoral muscles to take up space.
She also said, and I quote, "Boobs are just weird. They fill, they flatten, they do all sorts of stuff that doesn't make any sense."
I'm not sure how much comfort 'boobs are weird' is, but it's helped me come to peace with some of my body issues.
*hugs to you all* Thanks ladies. All of these made me smile, but especially the "boobs are weird" statement. Yes, yes they are! Well, who knows what will happen after I stop breastfeeding? O_o
I can relate. I lost weight due to illness (chronic) and my breasts (never very large at any weight I've been) shrank to mere placeholders. Makes me wonder if I even need a bra. I bet I could get a decent mammogram without even needing a top plate.
Mulberry, sorry to hear you haven't been well. I too wonder what going bra-less might feel like! Let me know if you try it. :)
Clothes, including bras, that fit will likely help. Some push-up might not hurt either.
Overall ... *hugs*
I think a nice fitting bra is a good first step! I picked up a lot of nice second-hand clothes in the fall and got rid of stuff that was too big and baggy. It did wonders for my self esteem. Just gotta wait for that next bra sale...
I never had a large endowment in the breast department, so I never saw a great change in my own breasts except that when I was nursing they were hard and they hurt, and I was glad when I was able to allow them to go back to normal. I think the key would be to apply the same principles of body acceptance as we do to our overall body. It's nature, it is what is. I've had to do this more as I've gotten older and gravity has taken over!