As I mentioned in my last post, Gabe is thin. He's the opposite of me and Ryan when we were kids; both of us were chubby (and adorable, might I add!). Gabe is not the only thin person in my life; some of my best friends are very small, and of course there's all the people out there everyday on the streets. I find myself mentally and sometimes verbally doing the body policing thing, wondering to myself or outloud if that person is OK, or just commenting on how small they are to whoever I'm with.
Who the hell do I think I am? This kind of behaviour is NOT ok and I shouldn't be doing it. It's the same as if some random person were to do it to me or other fat folk. When did this kind of thinking and commenting become OK, become normal? When did everyone who's out in public become public property? Not just fat people, but everyone. "Look at the muscles on that guy! Yowza!" "She totally had a boob job." "S/he's lost a lot of weight. I wonder if they're alright?" "God, he's so disgusting. Look at those rolls." "Go eat a sandwich." "Put down the burger!" What. the. fuck. Seriously, if I'M doing this, after time in the Fatosphere and feminist spaces, what is going through other people's heads (and coming out their mouths)? Bleh.
Other than keeping my own mouth shut to police myself, and blogging, what can we do about this?
On a completely unrelated note, two very cool things I found this weekend: The comic Red Strings and the blog Pretty Plump PinUp. Love love love love them both. Went through the whole comic from start to finish in under 24 hours (it's an 8 year old comic!) and have been browsing through PinUp enjoying what I find. Enjoy!
This is Fuuko and Hannae, a couple of people who are very much in love. Hannae is 'chubby' by Japanese standards, and I'll be doing a post about her this week. I really love this comic and hope you enjoy it too!
One of the things on your list of 'horrible things' is actually OK to say, and that is "S/He has lost a lot of weight. I wonder if s/he is OK?"
Sudden weight gains and losses can be a clear indicator that something is Not Right. Depression, illness, eating disorder, poverty, a sudden food allergy, those things can all trigger the abrupt movement of twenty or thirty pounds, and it's all right to notice something is not right.
You would comment if your friend had lost fistfuls of hair, or if your friend's skin had gone grey or yellow, or if your friend had a lot of unexplained bruising. Unexplained weight gain or loss is just another symptom, even though it comes with some ugly social subtext. This is especially true when someone loses weight they couldn't 'afford' to lose, like a thin friend dropping twenty pounds to become emaciated. If I lose 20 pounds and stop, it's no big deal because I carry a good 40 pounds it won't hurt me not to have, but if my mother lost 20 pounds it would suggest her health was seriously compromised.
You sound rather hard on yourself. Nobody should do that out loud, I agree, but everybody thinks what they will. It's a human reflex. As long as you remember to temper it with logical--and compassionate--afterthoughts. There's no controlling every thought that goes into your head.
People watching can be fun. My secret study is working out who's had botox and who hasn't.
What's rude and unacceptable is commenting on it.
Rowan: I was wondering if anyone would catch that. ;) Thank you for your excellent comment.
Lisa: Yes, I am sometimes hard on myself. I expect more of me, but you're right. We can't control our every thought, only what comes out of my mouth. Reminds me of the song from Avenue Q. "Everyone's a little bit racist". Well ya, we are, because we grew up in a racist world. We all have absorbed that, but we CAN grow past it.